Shaheer Ahmed
Note: This is a spoof article. The parody article is written to invoke thought on actual matters.
Job interviews are quite fickle. The interviewer might like your shining face or outright hate that shirt that you are wearing. You might have gotten a goodnight’s sleep and might feel like conquering the world in that interview. Whatever is the case, there is a list of dos and don’ts that are required for a job interview. We will only cover the don’ts. We are very sure that a genius like you only needs a half side of the picture and can figure out the do’s. Come on, buddy, do the math.
Given below is the list of things you should ABSOLUTELY not say in an interview. It will do a number on your reputation, and depending on how creative you are, the interviewer might even call the police on you.
1. I Previously Worked For Hitler
Nope mate! Don’t label your previous work as a nazi war camp. We know how frequently such is the case in corporate settings. But hey, quite possibly the job you are going for might also include a Hitler on the seat. And they will take it as a sign that you are accustomed to such settings. And do you want to work for Hitler?
2. I Need 18 Months’ Vacation And A Free Trip To Hawaii For My Extended Family
Don’t blow smoke from your you know where. The offer is very enticing and quite possibly, you might spark a rebellion among other employees who will ask for 18 months’ vacation too. And come on, mate. Spending that long with your extended family might possibly make you appreciate the corporate culture more.
3. You Have to Give Me 36 Hours’ Notice Before A Drug Test
What a way to blow up your secret cocaine addiction! You are going to be dragged to a secret dark room where your urine will be tested for sure. And it might just it make it to your portfolio too. We don’t want that now, do we? Then keep your secret hobbies to yourself and don’t say stuff that will blow up your cover.
4. Is This A Circus Company?
There might be many things that had possibly forced you to say such things about them. The employer might look like a clown, or perhaps their work culture reminded you of a circus. In many circumstances, you are not to express your inner voice out loud. Really, that is the secret to success in the corporate world. Not to let out your inner voice.
5. In Five Years? I Will Claim Your Throne and Marry Your Wife
You have been watching way too many seasons of Game of Thrones or Vikings or whatever is the crap Netflix is putting on these days. You don’t want any of that to influence your mind while giving an interview. It will only get you thrown out of where you are aspiring to be. Plan and execute, but in secret, mate, in secret!
6. I Was Once A Drug Dealer
Don’t try to sell drugs in your workplace just yet. You have to make everyone trust you first and then expand your amazing business. Your business might or might not succeed. It will definitely depend on how good of a dealer you are.
