I still wake up every morning and wonder, when and what exactly happened that made me feel this way? I have always stayed “woke” but I somehow lost track of things that made me feel miserable and gloomy. There were days I would just lay in bed, idle, feeling nothing yet feeling too much. I even developed some unusual habits like eating less or at times eating too much, from talking less to being too loud, I didn’t want to dress up the way I used to once and worst of all, it started to bother people around me who cared. Not because of the way I looked but because they were worried for me.contentment
I struggled with everything until one day I finally decided to try working on my-very-self. I knew it wasn’t something that would miraculously happen in a day or two. Being aware of my shortcomings I knew I needed help; official help to get me better and back up on my feet.
Knowing how I felt, I decided to share my feelings with a friend who recommended a therapist to me thinking it will help. Without giving it too much thought, I booked an appointment and walked in for my first therapy session. Insanely nervous but excited, the idea of therapy always intrigued me. I always wanted to know how therapy worked outside movies and things we saw on the internet.contentment
My first session went by quick, and I couldn’t understand how 50 minutes ended. I continued with my sessions for eight weeks only to end up fond of them. In my third session, my therapist made me maintain a journal, “a gratitude journal,” for me to write about things I was grateful for, every night to eliminate negative thoughts. It was when I developed this habit that changed my mind within days. A simple activity that involved a lot of reflection.
It may sound like a very basic thing but trust me when I tell you this, on days when I had nothing to write in the journal, or nothing to be happy about, it would force me to think deeper, and I would come up with very small things to feel fulfilled about. I once mentioned a glass of lemonade because it helped my migraine settle.
I slowly transformed, I got humble and much kinder. I began appreciating the smallest blessings in life such as an air conditioner in scorching heat of June. I started to sit longer with my parents because many of my friends had issues with their parents about things that were never a big deal in my family. There were countless things to look up to and be grateful for. Even today whenever I do something, I look at it with positivity, it helps me to stay calm and humble about life.
As the habit developed stronger, I started being even politer with people around me. I normally never thanked my sister or my mom for simply pouring me a glass of water but when I did, I remember it made them soft too. They felt appreciated. This was something that woke, in me, the nicer more compassionate human. This made me an empath, reduced anger and the constant fear of unknown in me. I became more courteous and less anxious and started to become more accepting about things. The habit of practicing gratitude made me understand that to be brave, one must sit with their fears first. If it wasn’t for my anxiety, I wouldn’t have realized that gratitude was such a superpower. Now after an entire year, I can safely say that thankfulness and gratitude has worked best for me to achieve contentment.