Shaheer Ahmed
The Saturday holidays are quite fickle. Lucky are those who manage to avail it. However, some of us aren’t so lucky at all. Some are required to work on Saturdays which means you will have to work for six days a week. Considering how kind and affectionate corporate culture is, sometimes people also want you to work on Sundays. Plus points if you sacrifice your sleep and family for your corporate overlords…
Anyways, in this guide, we will reveal some of the timeless techniques for getting a Saturday free. Some of these techniques might get you fired, but that is not as cool as getting a Saturday free, right? Well without wasting any more time, let’s get down to these timeless tricks that were used by government employees since the dawn of time.
- I Might Have a Psychotic Breakdown
Head up to your boss and say, “I might have a psychotic breakdown this weekend,” and watch them ignore you at their own peril. Be sure to act that part when you present this excuse. It might help if you pull out some nifty performance from your sleeves, especially on Saturdays. Remember that your Saturdays are on the line and if you fail to act the part, you will end up sacrificing the two-day weekend. It will be better if multiple people act cuckoo on Saturdays like everybody else. Make sure to scream and lie down on the floor…it might get you fired but not if there are six people doing it at once.
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- Saturdays are When my Oher Persona Takes Over
Report to the boss that you have a split personality disorder and your other personality takes over during Saturdays. This trick will work better if you involve more people with you during the weekend. Make them all present the same excuse and then, let your split chaotic personalities take over. Make sure to actually act as if you have never seen this place before. It will surely amp up your performance.
- I Have Serious Illness and I Need 48 Hours of Appointments
Yup, you read that right. Make sure to have an excuse like this ready. A little bit of acting like that of seizures or epilepsy can go a long way. Or simply you can cut all the work and lie down, not to wake up for five hours straight. Tell them it is because you have a special illness and you have booked 48 hours of doctor’s appointments from different doctors all across the countries.
- But How Will I Guard the Northern Gate?
Tell your boss that you have been chosen to guard a secret gate to hell. Since you perfectly qualify for the position as an average corporate worker, you MUST take every Saturday off, or otherwise, all hell will break loose. Furthermore, you are the only line of defense between the starving monstrosities of the abyss and the humans of this world.
- My Children Need Tending
Ask your boss to tend to your children if you are not going to be there. It is going to be a disaster because they aren’t normal children, they are spawns of hell. Unless the boss wants an apocalypse in the world, he or she should let you go on the weekends.
