Note: This is a satire and spoof article. All of the facts have been made up.
There are times when you realize that your current doctor is not the right one. Many signs can point towards that. You are not getting the right treatment, they call the police on you and loudly scream, ‘creep get out of my house at midnight. Those are some of the surefire signs that your current doctor definitely needs to be replaced. However, chances are that you might be very confused (if you chose the wrong majors in college then this goes double for you) and you are looking for active signs to ditch that white lab coat wearing freak and get a new one, given below is the list of signs you should do so immediately.
- They are Dead
The first surefire sign that you should think about changing your doctor is that they are six feet underground. It doesn’t matter how they ended up there, it only means that you won’t get heart attacks while seeing their bills. But hey, you might get actual heart attacks if you don’t find a doctor soon enough. So, if your doctor is officially dead, you will want to get a new one.
- They Keep Pointing Gun At Your Face
This is another sign that your current doctor is not going to treat you like you want to. Maybe they point a gun at your face and scream profanities. There is a possibility that you are visiting the wrong guy or maybe you are heading to their home at the dead of the night. In case of both, you definitely need a doctor’s change.
- They Scream, “I am not a doctor!”
Another sign that it is time to say goodbye to your doctor is when your doctor openly screams, “I am not a doctor.” Even when you say, “Sure you are,” they don’t stop yelling at the top of their lungs that they are not a doctor. This is an obvious sign that it isn’t working out anymore. Sadly, you need a new doctor.
- They Say, “I am not that kind of doctor”
One of the most obvious signs that you are visiting the wrong doctor is when they show you their PhD degree and shout, “I am not that kind of doctor.” Yup, that’s pretty much it. Time to get a new doctor. All this person can do is to ask you to meet them in their class and charge you insanely high fees to read something from their ‘special slides’.
- They Ask You to Buy Drugs
Whenever you visit your doctor, that person is not supposed to tell you that the first dose is free. They hand you a white powder that may cure your cough but will surely get you addicted on something far worse. That is definitely the time to find a new doctor. Maybe next time try going to an actual hospital instead of that shady dude who calls himself a ‘doctor’ while presenting special deals to his customers in the back alley.
- They Keep Calling Police On You
Failure to heed the instructions 2, 3 and 4 will result in severe consequences. One of them is you ending up either in a jail where there will be plenty of scary people staring at you. Or perhaps you could end up with a restraining order. Both of which are signs that you get a new doctor. This one’s not giving you the treatment that you are looking for.