Shaheer Ahmed
So you have watched a documentary, and now suddenly, you are woke. The world is no longer your muse. Everyone who says blackboard is now racist because they used the word black. Common logics like ‘why human and not huwoman’ along with why ‘mankind and not womankind’ will start burning your mind. Congrats… you are now officially woke.
Or maybe you just hated everyone in your circle right from the start and wanted a good enough reason to teach them a lesson for just being annoying. Still, you can use the excuse of being woke to annoy the hell out of them.
In this modern era where everything from the crying infant to the politician’s words on TV is outright offensive, I have written a comprehensive guide in this article for you on how to be a woke person in this modern offensive era. Follow along for the perfect life-changing advice.
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Go Vegan
Your first task as a ‘woke’ person is to go vegan and slap everyone who is not. May only God have mercy for those people who eat meat because you have none to spare. Furthermore, you must preach your enlightening philosophy to everyone who is a meat-eater. You MUST convert them into a vegan lifestyle, otherwise what is the point of being a ‘woke’ person? If you see anyone eating a meat burger in the public, rush to them and snatch that out of their hand, and throw it as far away as possible without fearing the consequences.
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Act Enlightened
You already are enlightened when you read that book or watched a documentary. Now, you should start acting like you are the wisest person around. Only this will help you secure a firm position as a properly woke person. Furthermore, you should start picking out those who are dumber than you as your fans, and that way, you can act like a proper guru which you are obviously not, but hey, you are ‘woke’. It will also help if you set a proper guideline for being woke, and you should also avoid meeting other woke people. Unless, of course, they have views similar to yours and they are willing to let you be the head of woke people.
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Offend Everyone
Seriously, how to avoid being offended by everything around the corner? Easy! You are the offender. Offend the hell out of everyone, no matter their caste, religion, or ethnicity. Defy the man-made rules and set your own rules as long as they serve your own agenda. Also, openly disregard everyone’s opinions, no matter how sensible they are. Because you are woke, and the only person’s opinion that matters is yours.
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Threaten To Sue if Your Demands Are Not Met
If anyone doesn’t bow before you or accept your demands, make sure to threaten to sue the living lights out of them. Start a hate group on social media platforms and do whatever it takes to have the discount. Tell people they are ignorant for not following a certain instruction and then demand a reward for telling people because if you hadn’t told them, they would still be ignorant. If they refuse to treat you like the guru you are, then you make sure they regret it. Never give a clear list of demands because if they are met, you lose all the privilege.
Now that these four steps are met, you will end up making this world a much better place than it was. Remember one thing. On this path, your haters will be many. Possibly everyone will hate you. But you got to stick to it.
